This is not a good idea. This is not a good idea. This is so incredibly not a good idea that it frightens me.
And yet, I can’t help but feel like it’s the right idea, too. And possibly the safest one. Normally I’d be all for walking out those doors, apologizing to the police, and taking the next flight home…but the cops attacked Dick before even identifying themselves. And they were shooting at us, for God’s sake. They rammed us without asking us to pull over, without any warning at all. Even the cops in New York City were nicer when they thought Lexi was suicidal. We’re being treated like dangerous terrorists and I don’t like the precedent that’s been set by that. If we surrender, who’s to say they won’t shoot us all and claim we were armed?
I wish I hadn’t had that damn Cambodia dream. My fingers are chilled and my heart hurts just thinking about it. If I do the sensible thing, I could die. DIE.
Lexi’s used to not doing as she’s told. I’m not. So I suppose it’s natural that I feel this way, on some level. But God, I’m scared. Scared enough to pray. I was praying, earlier, can you believe that?
I’d like to be able to say that I’ve thrown my trust in with Lexi, because I think she’s right, and that I’ve made peace with it and am prepared for whatever happens. But I can’t! I love Lexi dearly, and I’m willing to move heaven and earth to help her–but to die for a car? A line’s got to be drawn somewhere. Metal and rubber and glass aren’t worth it.
And what I see in Lexi’s eyes (and in Glen’s, and in Harold’s) is that they know this, and it’s something other than trying to save the cars that’s driving them. Which means that I’m not really entirely sure why we’re doing this absurdly dangerous thing. Maybe if it was just Lexi I could feel better about that and trust her. Glen, too. But I don’t know the other guys that well. I don’t know what they want or what their reasons might be. I hate not knowing things like that. And so it doesn’t feel like the Smart Thing To Do, jumping into the breach with all of them.
Which brings me back to not trusting the Solei police to let us live if we just surrender, which under other circumstances would be the obvious Smart Thing.
Which leaves the “safe” choice as trying to drive these cars out of here.
Which will probably also get us shot. The only entrance is blockaded and I haven’t heard any bright ideas that will get us past it yet.
Molly folded the paper over twice and tucked it into a pocket. She felt better, having gotten all those thoughts out of her head, and now she didn’t have to burden Lexi or Glen with her doubts and fears. She’d started out with a vague notion of writing a goodbye note to her parents, should something happen to all of them, but remembered Lexi’s superstition that “you should never say goodbye unless you’re never coming back.” If there was one thing that was certain, it was that they were on Lexi Crane’s watch now. Maybe writing a farewell note would seal their fate. Molly decided thus to keep her doom and gloom thoughts in her head. It was childish, but listening to the vapors and megrims always seemed like the right thing to do when Lexi was around.
“Sometimes the only thing,” she said aloud.