1996 GM EV1

“Hey out there, my lovely youth gone wild, you’re listening to Sigue-Sigue and Vim on WHMH, and we’ve got Dickie Sheehan on the phone.  Can I call you Dickie?”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“He’s a good sport, isn’t he, Vim?  Quit whining out there in your cars, we’ll play some music in a moment, but we have talk about things of social relevance first, and you know that makes Vim happy.  He’s big into politics, aren’t you, monkey-boy?  Can I call you monkey-boy?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.  For those of you who haven’t been following the story, Dick Sheehan and a group of activists–“

“Including my friend Lexi.”

“–including Sigue-Sigue’s friend Lexi are in Ile du Soleil protesting the car crusher legislation by driving a bunch of old cars across the country.  The Solei crusher bill has lots of people arguing around the world right now.  It seems like a good idea on paper.  They’re taking all the old cars off the road, because they pollute.”

“Everything older than ’86 goes to the shredder.  How many of you would like to shred your old beaters?  Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“That’s because you’re a complete idiot, Sigue.  If you’re working for minimum wage, how can you afford a new car?  The problem is that low-income families are being left without transportation.  Dick and company are out there drawing attention to this little social oversight, isn’t that right?”

“That’s right, Vim.”

“Now, from the sound of it, you guys are driving some pretty sweet cars, aren’t you?”

“Depends on your definition of sweet.  Right now I’m driving a classic Porsche 911, and talking on a cell phone like I shouldn’t be.  But this isn’t just about classic cars.  And your listeners should also know that proposals just like the Solei legislation are making their way through Congress right now as well.”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely.  California’s halfway there.  The laws there aren’t nearly as Draconian as Ile du Soleil’s, but they’re based on the same fallacy.”

“I love a political activist who makes Flash Gordon references.”

“They all do that, Sigue.”

“Shut up and let me have my moment of delusional glory.  What’s the fallacy we’re talking about, anyway?”

“That taking the oldest cars off the road is going to have a significant effect on pollution.  It’s true that older cars have the potential to pollute more in general, but a poorly maintained new car will put out way more hydrocarbons than an old one that’s in tune.”

“Didn’t you find those cars in a cave, Dickie?  They can’t be that well-maintained.”

“That’s true, I suppose.  But then, what we’re doing is just to get the attention of the powers that be.  The cars we’re driving are going to be restored and once that happens, they’ll either be in museums or taken out for a weekend here and there.  The point is that a blanket law that says all cars over a certain age have to be destroyed is wrong.”

“I know, I wasn’t trying to rain on your parade, so to speak.  Just being the contrarian radio host they pay me to be.”

“They pay you?”

“It’s true, Vim, they do.  It was supposed to be a secret though, don’t tell anyone.  They don’t pay you because you’re an illegal immigrant.  So Dickie, tell me the story of how you guys decided to do this, because it makes me smile.  He told us while the rest of you out there in Radioland were listening to Alice in Chains.”

“I guess it started the same way any political movement ever does, Sigue-Sigue.  My friends and I were just minding our own business, and then Big Brother came along, started pushing us around, and pissed us off.  Can I say ‘pissed?'”

“Be my guest.  If you can risk arrest and all sorts of horrible prison-movie things for the sake of car guys and girls everywhere, I can certainly risk an FCC fine for you.”

“That’s why I called you guys instead of anyone else in the U.S.”

“I thought you said that was because you only had our number?  Seriously, Vim, I was going to give him CNN’s number.  I was like, ‘why do you want to talk to a random hard rock station?’  But he insisted.”

“I’m quite honored, actually.”

“I could have called someone else.  But I thought I’d make you guys famous.”

“Ah, we’re already famous.  Lexi told you to call me, didn’t she?”

“Of course.  And she said to say hi.  She’s driving a little Alfa-Romeo, by the way.”

“Is she with you?  Are you guys caravanning, or what?”

“No.  We’re all in different places.  Kind of like the Cannonball Run, if any of your listeners are old enough to remember that movie.”

“Well, I remember it.  And we have pretty sophisticated listeners.  But hey, in honor of Dickie and his friends, and because it’s what we do at HMH, we should give something away, Vim, don’t you think?”

“By all means.  We’re just full of handouts.  How about tickets to see Prong?”

“Excellent plan.  Good driving music, too.  We’re going to play some Prong in your honor, Dickie.”

“Thanks, I think.  I’ve never heard of them, you know.”

“Lexi can loan you the CD, she’s hip like that.  Now, I’m going to give the first caller who can tell us the winner of the race in both Cannonball Run movies a pair of tickets to see Prong this Saturday.  I might even have some Prong stickers for your car to throw in there.  Hit us up at 555-WHMH and show off your vast movie trivia knowledge for some tickets and swag from the Best Noisebox in Detroit, WHMH.  Here’s ‘Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck.'”